I. Introduction: Dr Rachel Hughes – Your Neurodiversity Affirming Guide
Is your neurodivergent teen feeling misunderstood? Are family dynamics feeling strained? Many families navigate these challenges, and finding the right support can make all the difference.
“Birds of a feather…” my aunt uttered, almost scathingly, as my friends walked up the lawn in all black, vibrant hair colors, chains glinting in the summer sun. At 13, with undiagnosed ADHD, I felt a passionate, ungrounded emotional intensity. I remember feeling like the adults around me were the least responsible people after my parents’ divorce, and I sought solace in friends who also struggled with adult influence. Looking back with a fully formed prefrontal cortex, I realize I was searching for an adult who could truly attune to my unique challenges and advocate for me to those who thought I was “just going through a phase.”
As I grew older and traversed my teenage anguish, I committed myself to becoming a safe haven for kids and teenagers in similar situations. This is precisely why I became a Marriage and Family Therapist with a strong focus on the family system. Often, a significant communication gap exists between kids and their parents simply because they see the world through genuinely different lenses. That’s where I come in.
I consider myself a “code-switcher” and translator, helping families work better together. I’m Dr. Rachel Hughes, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Child Mental Health specialist in Washington State, holding a PhD in Medical Family Therapy. I hope this blog post offers you a deeper understanding of who I am and what I do, with a glimpse into how I arrived here.
II. My Expertise and Clinical Passions: Neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ Families
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I view challenges through a systemic lens, understanding how everything works together to create a “problem.” Nothing operates in a vacuum, and it’s crucial to consider all variables, especially those outside an individual’s control, such as systemic oppression, health conditions, neurotypes, and environmental factors. This holistic perspective is essential before we even consider personality differences, conflicting parenting beliefs, or peer influences. I strive to take a comprehensive look at all contributing factors to discomfort and a lack of ease for both individuals and the family.
As a member of both the neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ communities, I offer a compassionate approach rooted in lived experience, extensive training, and years of practice with these specific groups. My unique perspective isn’t just a part of who I am; it’s the foundation of my therapeutic philosophy. It has profoundly informed my path to becoming a Medical Family Therapist and my specialization in working with teens and their families navigating similar journeys.
My goal is to create a space where you feel truly seen, heard, and understood—not just for your challenges, but for your inherent strengths and unique ways of being. This is why my practice is rooted in a neurodiversity-affirming and gender-affirming framework, guided by the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I believe we all deserve a place to safely unmask and explore our individual challenges without being pushed into “cookie-cutter” treatment programs or non-affirming approaches.
Often, people find me after painful experiences with mental health or general healthcare providers or systems. We work together to identify and unpack the harm that comes from non-affirming practices and dismantle the internalized shame that frequently emerges.
III. What Does “Neurodiversity-Affirming” Truly Mean?
In my practice, a neurodiversity-affirming approach is at the very heart of everything I do. It’s more than just a therapeutic technique; it’s a fundamental worldview that guides how I understand, interact with, and support neurodivergent teens and their families.
At its core, neurodiversity is the understanding that human brains are naturally diverse. Just as we have differences in height, hair color, or personality, we also have natural variations in how our brains are wired. This includes conditions like ADHD, Autism, dyslexia, Tourette’s, and more.
Instead of viewing neurodivergence as a “disorder” that needs to be “fixed” or “cured,” a neurodiversity-affirming approach sees these differences as natural and valuable forms of human variation.
In practice, this means:
- Valuing Differences: I recognize and celebrate the unique strengths, perspectives, and contributions that neurodivergent individuals bring to the world. Your way of thinking, feeling, and interacting is not inherently “wrong” or “less than.”
- Challenging Deficit-Based Thinking: My focus isn’t on what’s “lacking” or “broken,” but rather on understanding the functional impact of neurodivergent traits and building on existing strengths. We work together to navigate challenges, not erase identities.
- Respecting Autonomy and Self-Advocacy: I empower teens to understand their own neurotype, advocate for their needs, and make choices that align with their authentic selves. I also work with parents to advocate on their teens’ behalf in schools and with systems and other providers.
- Adapting the Environment, Not Just the Individual: We explore how environments (home, school, social settings) can be adapted to better support neurodivergent individuals, rather than solely expecting the individual to conform to neurotypical norms.
- Listening to Lived Experience: I prioritize the voices and experiences of neurodivergent individuals themselves. My lived experience as a neurodivergent person deepens this commitment, offering an understanding that goes beyond textbooks.
Why is this approach so crucial for teens and families?
For neurodivergent teens, growing up in a world that often doesn’t understand or accommodate their unique wiring can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, isolation, and low self-worth. For families, navigating these differences can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes isolating.
My neurodiversity-affirming framework provides a counter-narrative – a space where:
- Validation Flourishes: Teens feel truly seen and understood for who they are, reducing the burden of masking and self-criticism.
- Strengths are Amplified: We identify and leverage unique abilities and talents, building confidence and self-esteem.
- Communication Transforms: Families learn to communicate in ways that honor diverse processing styles, fostering deeper connection and reducing conflict.
- Coping Skills are Authentic: We develop practical strategies that work with their unique neurology, rather than fighting against it.
- Hope Replaces Shame: It transforms the narrative from one of deficits to one of rich, valuable human variation.
By working from this foundation, we create a therapeutic journey that is respectful, empowering, and genuinely tailored to the unique needs of neurodivergent teens and their families, fostering growth and well-being in a truly affirming way.
IV. Getting to Know Me: My Journey and Neurodiversity-Affirming Philosophy
My personal journey deeply informs my commitment to supporting neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ teens and families. Growing up as a high-achieving student with undiagnosed ADHD, I learned to “crack” the test system, often prioritizing good grades over genuine learning. It wasn’t until my master’s program that I truly fell in love with the process of learning and growing.
I vividly remember struggling to focus in classrooms, trying to strong-arm my attention to listen, and failing repeatedly. I learned to dissociate, staring at my teachers without absorbing the material, becoming frustrated and overwhelmed when I had to painstakingly learn what I’d missed. However, I had a few incredible high school teachers (who I later confirmed were also neurodivergent) who fostered discourse and prioritized autonomy and passion in term projects. They allowed students to stim by drawing, fidgeting, or wandering, as long as general class order was maintained. These teachers embodied neurodiversity-affirming principles and profoundly changed how I interacted with myself, significantly improving my self-worth.
My commitment to a neurodiversity-affirming approach solidified when I was introduced to acceptance as a mechanism for change, rather than control, during my master’s studies. Practices influenced by Buddhism instantly resonated with my lived experiences, allowing me to flourish instead of stagnate. I remember my first few months of meditation, feeling like I saw the world for the first time again. Suddenly, my sense of time expanded, and I gained deeper insights into who I was.
With this newfound presence, I pursued my Medical Family Therapy doctoral program at Saint Louis University, studying the intricate relationships between physical health, the healthcare system, families, and mental health. I worked in multiple medical offices and volunteered in a free community health clinic, supporting both clients and the medical staff as part of the care team. I also sought every research opportunity to work with LGBTQ+ populations, deepening my understanding of this intersection with health. Medical Family Therapy helped me understand how our social situation, biological health, mental health, and community health are irreversibly linked. I realized it was a fool’s errand to consider one of these personal aspects without witnessing the rest when talking to a client.
In my final year, I moved to Grand Junction, Colorado, to complete my doctoral fellowship in Advanced Medical Family Therapy, where I trained family medicine residents on patient-centered care and took on my own hospital rotations.
Here, I created my first youth mentoring program, teaching Acceptance and Commitment Therapy principles to teenagers navigating gender, sexual, and community identity, and their social situations. I fell in love with the raw passion of this group and how they built a family identity to support each other. I was inspired, challenged, and pushed to face my own identity and authenticity each time I worked with them. Looking back, I realize most, if not all, of these group members were neurodivergent, which made for a vibrant and fiercely loyal group of teens.
Through my journey and in the years since, I’ve realized that the most important thing for people is to be seen for who they truly are and appreciated for it. This is doubly important for neurodivergent and queer clients who are told in countless ways, big and small, that their identities are “invalid” or “abnormal.” I’ve witnessed the harm that comes from trying to fit into a neurotypical and heteronormative box, and it has inspired me to help as many people as I can find a path outside the norm that feels true and sustainable in the long term.
V. After Office Hour Joys for Dr. Rachel
I strive to live as authentically as I can, both as a therapist and in my personal life. I’m incredibly fortunate to live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, where I can backpack and explore the mountains with my dog, Tara, and a wonderful group of friends. I love to knit, though I’ve learned to give myself grace around project timelines! I also practice Spanish and travel when I’m able, which helps expand my perspective.
Games are another passion of mine. I love learning new strategy games and practicing flexible problem-solving with them, and I never turn down an opportunity to play a tabletop role-playing game (TTRPG) with a good group.
This year, I’m hoping to practice furniture building and create some pieces for my house in my shop. I can certainly relate to many of my clients when the initial energy and finding time in an already busy schedule seem to be the main barriers.
VI. What’s Next for Connect Counseling and Dr. Rachel
In my practice and personal life, I operate from a growth mindset, always thinking about how to build upon the amazing things that have happened so far. Currently, I’m developing a neurodiversity-affirming mental health cooperative with a friend and colleague, called Divergent Minds Collective (DMC). Our cooperative will house various allied health professionals (e.g., therapists, psychologists, prescribers, case managers) who all practice from a neurodiversity-affirming lens. We also hope to provide continuing education to the community for this purpose. I’m planning on starting a clinical internship through DMC to have a more direct hand in shaping upcoming therapists. Here’s to this next adventure!
VII. Taking the Next Step: Connecting with Rachel Hughes
I would genuinely love to know more about what you’re going through or how I can be supportive. If you’re interested in learning more about therapy for yourself, your child or teen, or your family, or if you’re considering working with me in a clinical capacity, I’d love to hear from you! Please reach out to me at rachel@connectcounselingandconsulting.com, and we can schedule a consultation to discuss your needs. Rest assured that all contacts are confidential, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.
VIII. Conclusion: Offering Hope and Encouragement
Thank you for taking the time to read a little bit more about me and my journey over the last few decades. I feel more committed than ever to helping neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ families in my clinical practice, and I want to support you in living your most authentic and empowered life. It’s our shared responsibility to continue cultivating a compassionate and accepting community and world, one person at a time. You don’t have to figure this all out alone; connect with me!
